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He said no but when I returned and reported that the bartender had generously comped my seltzer, he said he wished he’d known or he’d have ordered one!

In that case, was the one offering to pay, but instead of taking me up on it, he made himself seem like an extreme cheapskate.

You don’t know how they’ll interpret your actions, so it’s probably a good idea to put your best foot forward.

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She says that if you’re a man who just can’t get past the idea that it’s unfair to constantly shell out for dates, “you should date women who will be fine in a 50/50 split from the start. You will be limiting the field, but at least you won't be resentful.” Bustle writer Erica Garza, who’s now married, came to be part of that rare breed, even though for much of her dating life she expected guys she was with to “pay for everything, all the time,” no matter how long they’d been in a relationship. “I realized that if I wanted to be in a relationship where power was equally distributed, where respect was mutual, where each person in the relationship mattered and had value as a human being, then I had to shift my perspective about what paying for things meant.

By expecting a man to pay simply because he is a man, I was inadvertently maintaining a history of repression, where men are viewed as in control and we women are still viewed as helpless.” Part of the problem, as I see it, is that if you’re going on a first date, you really don’t know that much about the other person’s mindset.

Conversely, for her, if she pays, that’s her way of saying she’s not interested.

“Usually if I pay for dinner, especially if it's the very first dinner out with a potentially romantic partner, it's because I want to leave as soon as possible,” wrote Andrews.

That's why I never suggest splitting the bill.

Last modified 25-Nov-2016 21:54