But don’t lose sight of the bigger picture about mistaking excitement for a future.If you go on a first date, have electric chemistry and end up in bed, it’s impossible to know if he actually likes you, much less loves you, much less is looking to be married, much less is ready to be married, much less is compatible with you for the next 40 years.
You’ve said it to me loud and clear; you’ve been hurt before, you don’t want it to happen again, and you definitely don’t want to waste your time.
It’s important to remember, however, that nobody escapes matters of the heart completely unscathed.
In 99% of relationships, either he’s breaking up with you or you’re breaking up with him. Which means that there’s a bit of risk involved in any relationship, and there’s not a single thing that your trusty dating coach can do to entirely eliminate that risk. This disconnect explains almost all of the friction in dating and once you understand it, you can make a permanent adjustment.
What I’d like to do is help you mitigate that risk a bit so that you don’t end up wasting too much time on the “wrong” men. All he knows on the first date is that he’s attracted to you.
All it means is that when he shows up on the first date with you and sees how attracted you are, he’s not thinking about the long-term future, he’s thinking about the short-term future: Once again, I’m not proud of this fact, but it’s true. In this time, when you feel like you’re in limbo, he’s giving you a lot of information about his intentions, based on the effort he makes for you.