Ultimately I came up with an eight-point checklist that I reviewed with the guys who wanted to take her out.
What follows is a condensed composite of the interviews I’ve had over the years with young men interested in our daughters. (The eight points are shown in italics.) “Tom, the first thing I want to say is that .” We talk for a bit, and I tell him that I have done research on how often a young man thinks about sex (about every seven seconds).
When you are working so hard to go against the flow of the culture, there’s a tendency to become so preoccupied with how your child is doing that you are constantly harping at them, asking them questions.
Remember that how you handle your relationship with your child is like playing a solo on a fine violin. Be very careful how you hold the instrument and don’t turn the strings too tight!
And I hope that someday when you have a daughter, you’ll interview her dates.” Doing these interviews is one of the best things I’ve ever done for my daughters as a dad.
And instead of creating tension and separation between my daughters and me, it has actually drawn us closer together. We need to teach our children how dating fits into the process of finding a spouse.
In the next few months this friendship grew into something much deeper, and they were married in 1997.