I could second guess “If I knew then what I know now,” and beat myself up over all of the shoulda woulda coulda’s and believe me, I have.
I would much rather explore and examine, from the perspective of being on the other side of the experience, not just what I want, but what I want, even though relationship experts generally encourage focus on the positive.
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When you are scrolling through Instagram, would you rather see lots of posts from close friends, or from celebs you've never met? Would you rather be forced to drink a Frappuccino every day FOR ETERNITY or never be able to drink a Frappuccino again? Would you rather have someone give you $100 or have everyone in your class get $10?
What's worse — constantly posting selfies, or NOT posting selfies just because you care too much about what people think of your selfies? Would you rather have an internship with a cool boss who gives you lots of praise — but you don't really learn that much — or a hard-ass boss who never gives compliments, but teaches you a ton?
The professional interviewer in me laughs at the Ally Mc Beal internal dialog absurdity of that scenario.
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As a minister who has married over 300 couples since 1999, I have witnessed this dynamic with many of them.